Raising kids

Having a child or children does that really make us a parent? At age 18 I got pregnant with my first child a son, I wish I could say his was the happiest day of my life but it was one of the most scariest day of my life 😦 so many thoughts the unknown, how can I do this I am but a child myself, I had no personal experience of raising a child, I am a child that was never raised by a mother or a father I am a child that never knew love yet alone to give love. How am I to know how to raise my son, can I do this ? These are a few of the questions that I had in my head the day I gave birth.

Here is another thought one look at him his eyes, his smile his cry gave me all the strong will that I can do this! for as much as I did not have as a child myself, I just reverse it all to the fact that he will and can have because he had me :):):) so with that I raised my son I actually raised 2 boys as a single mother and looking at them now, yes, I made some mistakes along the way but they are the most beautiful boys any parent could imagine.

Not because you may not have had the best parents or any parents for that matter you can still be a good parent to your child or children do not blame the past as what you have now is the now and the future.

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Expectations of one you think would be there … But they are not

As a parent we sometimes under estimate the love you think your kids would have for you 😦 I always thought above and beyond anything, I would always have the love of my kids, after all you took the pain that they feel, you are always there to make sure they are always taken care of. The nights of crying as a child and the insults of just being a mother to be the worst there is yet we still love them, then they grow up and you think they are now smarter to realize right from wrong, but they are not they are even more lethal than they ever were.

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Memories

Today I had a piece of chicken and it brought back memories of when I was a kid, my brother and I did not really have anyone so we would rely on each other I can remember one time when he figured a way how to get us food a Neighbour, his name was Mr. Blise he use to collect the waste from the hotels with his mule and a cart, on that cart my brother would ride with him and would see sometimes the many food that was just at waste whole chicken,beef, pork etc you name it it was
there, so while they collects the waste he would often time separate the best meat washed it and bring it home, we would have a feast then. He used to tell me not to worry I won’t go hungry for long and I would wait always for him to show up as I knew he would have dinner for us even if it was someone else’s waste. Memories I hate chicken 🙂

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About me

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Memories Once Lost

Over the past year i was able to make contact with friends and family from my country “Jamaica” I always knew most of my memories of growing up in Jamaica and some of my memories here in the United States seem to have been blocked or lost. I never really knew why or what those memories were, but in recent months and with certain connections from my family and school mates a lot of the lost memories seem to have been surfacing. Most of them i now understand why i could not remember them as i now realize, growing up in my county as kids, we were abused in so many ways, Mentally, physically and the hidden abuse of emotions (emotionally abused). I must ask myself do i want to try to remember things? at this point i do not think i have a choice i need to know why i had to play so hard on the “offense as well as the defense”

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My New Year

New home, great job, love gained, love lost, pride, hurt, fulfilled, hollow, lost, confused, family gained, family lost, future and past seemed to occupy at the same time, blank at times yet knowledge within, at times within me, the gift of life here, past and future all seemed within my reach a powerful gift to unite those that we lost.  I’m honored for the journey I have but would not wish the same on anyone, it’s a powerful path filled with the unknown.  For all that I have lost and gained, for those that were reunited I give thanks for the past year, a year end where heaven and hell are balanced again.  My wish to all is to have a prosperous and healthy New Year keep your heart and soul open you never know at times who really walk beside you we are here as humans.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Anger

Living a day with anger & bitterness equals to taking several steps backward from happiness, from people you love, and from your dreams. Anger & bitterness are only a waste of time. Want to make wise use of time?? Do what the mind CANNOT DO but what the heart CAN DO. That is to make peace with yourself, and then you can start forgiving.

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