Mom

“Mom”

Little baby told God hey I’m kind of scared.
Don’t really know if I want to go down there.
From here it looks like a little blue ball
That’s a great big place and I’m so small.
Why can’t I just stay here with you?
Did I make you mad, don’t you want me too?
God said oh child of course I do
But there’s somebody special waiting for you

So hush now little baby, don’t you cry
Cause there’s someone down there waiting whose only goal in life
Is making sure you’re always gonna be alright
A loving angel tender tough and strong
It’s almost time to go and meet your mom.

You’ll never have a better friend
Or a warmer touch to tuck you in
She’ll kiss your bruises your bumps and scrapes
And anytime you hurt
Her heart’s gonna break

So hush now little baby, don’t you cry
‘Cause there’s someone down there waiting whose only goal in life
Is making sure you’re always gonna be alright
A loving angel tender tough and strong
It’s almost time to go and meet your mom.

And when she’s talking to you make sure you listen close
She’s gonna teach you everything you’ll ever need to know
Like how to mind your manners, to love and laugh and dream
She’ll put you on the path that bring you back to me

So, hush now little baby, don’t you cry
Cause there’s someone down there waiting whose only goal in life
Is making sure you’re always gonna be alright
A loving angel tender tough and strong
Come on child it’s time to meet your mom

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If I could go back

Today was a very strong reflection of time past, wishing i could go back 😦 maybe change some things, hold on to some moments, direct the path thus directing the outcome of what we face now in this futuristic path we call the present life.It started with remembering days of been just a kid with little but no worries, to been a mother even though i had very little knowledge at a very early age of what it took to be a mom, the boys were young and easily maintained on a daily scheduled, well to a point :), times were tough yes, but it was maintained as i knew what i had to do and i did it, there was no disrespect, no name calling, no tears of disappointments, 😦 

As a single parent life was tough and still is, I spoke to another mom today she was having such difficult time with her daughters, where she actually put them out of the house i spoke to her for a while on the phone and during our conversation we both shared a lot and realized we both have the same problems she had daughters i had boys, i was able to share my life as a single parent with her the up’s and down’s assured her she did not fail, she did all she can to make sure her children had the best opportunity which included living in a good township, going to a good school, having to work hard to pay all the expenses that come with it she should be proud and no matter the situation no child should ever say such hateful words to their mother, told to her, hold her head up high as i know it does hurt, as i too get it from the one i sacrifice so much for and she is not alone.  Words are damaging.

 

 

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A New Year, Will it be a New Start?

Each year we all reflect on what we have accomplished or hope to accomplished in reality do we ever get what we wished or hope to have accomplished ?  For me I have come to understand that no matter what I hope or dream for,  there will always be that one or many obsticeles that will make all the good things be not so good 😦  we may have gotten our wish but have failed to make reality out of it because of the unexpected things that poked its head.  My Rambling words are this: I do wish and hope all my Friends and Families  and their Friends and Families have a wonderful up coming year, also do not be ignorant to the fact that this world exist with good and bad so for every good there will be bad,  the challenge will be how to let the good over come the bad.  The simple thoughts and deeds we see each day that we dismiss could be our path to acquire, and hold on the good wishes we had earlier in the year, and had  extended as a New Year resolution.  Most of us will miss that and will once again repeat the same wishes and resolutions again.

I spent the entire 2013 in highs and lows, feeling love and hated, feeling alone at times but at other times filled with all the love and affection one person should never let go off.  I won’t sit here and reflect too much on any one specific lost or love as I really do not have any vision of what 2014  will bring, I can only hope that it’s a year for me to pursue my dream and survive the daily ups and downs.  For every bad I have experienced, I have also experienced a lot of good, lets just say I not only talk to dead people hahahaha I do speak to some that are living as well :):):) lets see what lies ahead. :):):)

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Appreciate the simple moments and be there

Things don’t always seem to be easy, better yet sometimes not easy at all. As parents we try so hard to be there for our kids and some of us as parents would do anything possible or in our minds impossible for them. The flip side is majority of the time they do not see and or appreciate it or the thoughts of it, and that brings about a sense of failure within you as a parent thinking how much more can I do to let them see and know you are there for them.

No matter the age or sex of a child within that child, is YOUR child, your kid, your son, your daughter
Some of us are weaken by the strength we put out to help our kids, yes it’s exhausting but to see a glimmer of hope and smile of encouragement, that’s a step towards greatness and appreciation developing within them. It is a reward of energy for us to use again towards them as they will need it again. Be there no matter how much they sometimes make you feel less than you should, as you know more, no matter how much you tell them or show them, that you love them no matter what.

Be there when they are weakened by their growth towards becoming an adult, as only we know how hard it can be, be there when they feel all hope is gone, as we know ever too well the feeling of failure and demise, be there as they too get their heart broken and they have yet to learn how to mend it, as again, we invented the art of healing broken hearts. As a single parent we have been there and as a single parent we had to patch up old wounds and move on to a better place, we have them to consider we fight for them to be the man or woman they will be someday.

Never give up.

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Disbelieve, lost, hope

While the body and mind can be strong, the heart can be broken, when the ones you love the most turn out to be a nightmare of disappointment, disbelieve set in and hope get lost, tears fall, a smile into a frown, the sun hides its face and darkness set in.. You ask how, why and when? Do you let go? But how do you forget? Then, here comes the rain 😔😔😔😔 and the pain intensifies, I can change lives, I can connect the with the past😔 but what of my here and now?

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I did not give up as a mom

Another year to celebrate a day as Mom’s, for me I reflect on another year to remember the paths taken to be called “mom”. A young teenager at 18 years old I was faced with a decision to be a mom, with no help or support from anyone, family, friends or the father, I was labeled a bad person, a slut, telling me my life would be ruin if I kept my child. Having never grown up with a mother myself I question how would I know how to raise a child? I had the love of a father and a brother and sister but have yet to experience love elsewhere, with that I held on to what I knew and felt within.

I kept my child pregnancy, and my son :):) and today I look at him and I feel such joy and love, don’t get me wrong life was not always good for us, as we had some bad times, my inexperience as a mother, I made choices to protect and shelter my son, sheltered him from the bad I feared would take over our lives by the surroundings of where we were, I missed out on so many things as I was always working to provide for us 😦 sometimes 3 jobs I held just so he has what he needed. But today despite all the struggles I can also look back and see more joy than pain, I see more love than I could ever imaging having, I have tears yes tears each day, most I can say are tears of joy tears of love tears of I made it, yes I did it WE DID IT…

I was later blessed though in a much lighter situation with another son..He is the light of my eyes I see in him so much of me, when I’m down he pull me up and there I can say for my two boys I am a mother I am a mom, and each year they never fail to remind me that it was all worth it. I know we still have ways to go as a mom’s journey is never ending.

For all the mothers that are reading this, no matter what obstacles may come your way,the road will indeed be rough and at times, seem long, when you think you are alone, I can tell you that you are not, as I now also realized as much as I thought I was alone, aside from my kids; what I did not see before was that I had a lot of help from strangers. For the times I could not get out of work on time or unexpectedly, the mothers that stopped to give a ride to my kids or the ones that offered to watch them when I had no one, I say thank you for helping me raise my kids.

From this mother to all mothers single or not HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to you all….

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When you get tired don’t give up

The days at times seem to never end, you pray for night to be near for the darkness to hide your pain, as to you the light only make it hurt more. You want to be there to be strong but every turn or every heart felt connection you try to make is not the right move to them, words of anger to make you feel even more in the darkness that want to take over even in the light.

Some would give up they would walk away, at times I feel it’s easier, and when you almost give in you hear the words ‘I need my mom’. This I know will only be a temporary calm, but with every open door of a calm, take it as it will leave a lasting mark for when the darkness try to reappear.

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